No Amount of Books - Figuring Things Out

A late night stroll, the perfect way to end a long day. At ten o'clock, my husband and I stepped out the front door. He turned the key in the lock, when suddenly our plans collided with reality. We were parents! Down the hall, in our cozy two-bedroom apartment, slept our newborn son. We looked at each other, as a new truth sunk in; we could no longer go anywhere we wanted, anytime we wanted. We now had a baby to factor into the equation. And, very soon, we realized that no book or parenting class or previous experience had prepared us for the many wonderful, exciting and often bemusing revelations that we simply had to figure out on our own as we walked the path of parenthood. 

Recently, I received this email from a friend who is a new mom. "As we begin sleep training our little one I've come to the realization that I have a visceral level aversion to disciplining my child....I was wondering if you have any book recommendations on the topic. Not so much a "how-to" guide...more of a biblical posturing on discipline book that I can lean on when i feel weak." Ha! This is a great question. For which, I am sorry to admit, I had no great answer.

There were no books that gave me answers when I found myself sitting on the stairs in the middle of the night, crying and asking God, "Will this child ever sleep through the night?" He was two years old, while his 6 month old baby brother slept through the night from the time he was two weeks old. Like my friend, I knew part of the problem was my weakness in the area of discipline. But still, I wondered how two children could be so different. Why? Was it me? Was it my two year old? It was likely a combination of things, but it was something that I had to learn by going through it. I could find ideas, but no solutions, in the books I read.    

I know there are many good books out there, as well as blogs and websites. These can help inform parents about everything from the normal developmental stages to how to groom them for success. However, there is no way even the best books can adequately cover all the ways a child impacts your marriage, your time, your energy, your emotions and so much more. And though you can plan and prepare, you can not predict how each person or couple will actually handle and adapt to these changes. There are some things you just have to go through, with a lot of trial and error, figuring it out, fine tuning and adjusting to the uniqueness of your own family, many times wringing your hands in prayer!

By the way, in case you're interested, here is the answer I sent to my friend. I wanted to share...that part of being a new mommy (or wife or anything) is just a whole lot of going though it. Trial and error, learning and growing. I also had to overcome a lot of fear. I was afraid of everything --- to discipline the wrong way... of letting them cry (too much)... I was a real case. God was so gracious to give me an amazing husband, to teach me through His Spirit and through His word to become the mom (and wife) He wanted me to be and to overcome my fears, baggage and immaturity.

Tonight I thought of a book that I devoured when my children were little. I still have it. It is marked up, water stained (from reading it during long hot baths in the evening) and dog-eared. It is called, A Lamp Unto My Feet by Elizabeth Elliot. She is an old-fashioned, no-nonsense, godly woman, who basically called the reader to be a strong woman in Christ (not wimpy).  I just looked on-line and it is still available, even has a kindle version. I also loved the Moms Devotional Bible that always had the right encouragement at the right time.

Dear reader, if you have a book recommendation for my friend, please feel free to share it here. Plus, I'd love to hear the revelations you've had in your parenting journey. And, I want you to be encouraged that plenty of the lessons learned on the path of parenting aren't found in any book, but simply through the process of figuring it out and just, plain-old-fashioned, going though it!